This. All of this. Click through for the whole post, it’s worth it.
“The point isn’t perfection, or even aspiration to some far-off ideal. The point is to shut out the noise for long enough to discover what makes you feel great, and to then to be true to that. It’s just as important to know what you don’t like, what you don’t care about. I could care less about wedding cakes, so we had whoopie pies at our wedding. I like fake flowers, and so I buy them constantly. I also like Britney Spears. And freaking garlic salt; I would bathe in the stuff if I could. If you like something that’s “uncool”…so what? You like it. That’s what matters.
When we were in Aspen, the NonSociety girls talked a lot about this book that they were reading, Marry Him, which basically instructs readers to settle down with the guy that they’re dating if he’s “good enough”…because if they keep waiting for some guy to come along who checks every box on a miles-long checklist, they’ll be waiting forever. I think that’s absolute bullshit for about a million reasons, but mostly because the checklist that women carry around in their heads delineating the exact qualities that their future husband must possess is more often than not a construct based on others’ opinions. The noise that surrounds us on a daily basis (oh, he’s poor, can’t marry him, oh, he’s not cute enough, oh, he didn’t go to an Ivy League, oh, he doesn’t read enough/listen to music enough/go to museums enough) can skew our ability to see what might really matter.
When I met Kendrick, he was a touring musician who on occasion moonlighted as a coconut-water salesman between gigs. You think that checks off a whole lot of boxes on my friends’ “The Boy I’m Gonna Marry” lists? Prooooobably not. But if you limit your ideas about love, you limit your life – trust me on that one.”
I don’t necessarily agree. Ok, so he goes on to day “This is the age of research, so there’s data to back this up” but none of the stats explicitly show that being marital happiness is more important to overall happiness than anything else. I think marital happiness can counteract professional unhappiness, but if you’re miserable in that aspect of your life, it’s going to affect your marriage. And if it’s a choice between professional success (or anything really) and being in a less-than-stellar relationship, you’re damn right I’d rather just go it alone.
Being contentedly coupled up doesn’t equal happiness for everyone.
True story, bitches.
In Britain, only 8 percent of the population is Catholic (compared with 25 percent in the United States). Abortion there is legal. Abortion is free. And yet British women have fewer abortions than Americans do. I asked Cardinal Hume why that is.
The cardinal said that there were several reasons but that one important explanation was Britain’s universal health-care system. “If that frightened, unemployed 19-year-old knows that she and her child will have access to medical care whenever it’s needed,” Hume explained, “she’s more likely to carry the baby to term. Isn’t it obvious?”
A young woman I knew in Britain added another explanation. “If you’re [sexually] active,” she said, “the way to avoid abortion is to avoid pregnancy. Most of us do that with an IUD or a diaphragm. It means going to the doctor. But that’s easy here, because anybody can go to the doctor free.”
- Me: Hello?
- Caller: [laughing about something else in the background]
- Me: Hello?
- Caller: [still not listening...]
- Me: Hello?
- Caller: Hey!
- Me: [giggling] Hey what's up?
- Caller: Are you drunk?
- Me: [putting 1st glass of wine down] ...No.
- Caller: Yes you are!
- Me: No I'm not!
- Caller: You sound drunk
Paul Rudd in Knocked Up
This is the concept of marriage that freaks me out & makes anti-marriage. Especially since I don’t even really think Everybody Loves Raymond is funny. And it’s not a completely off-base perception. I’ve seen relationships - and been in relationships - where you look at it and think “Why the hell are they even together??”
But it doesn’t have to be like that.
If I ever get married - hell, if I ever commit to any relationship at all - it’s only going to work for me if it’s completely a unconventional, ridiculous, partners-in-crime adventure. Because I already know how easy it would be for me to settle into a routine, unexciting partnership that would look like something off a bad sitcom and inevitably lead to me waking up one morning when my kids are almost grown up and my hair’s almost gray, miserable and wondering what the hell happened to my life and where I went off-track.
Pretty sure I strayed from my original point on that one.
yourself in a world
which is doing its best day and night to make you like
everybody else means to fight the hardest battle
which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.” —e.e. cummings (via kari-shma)