- Roy: I know times have changed, but a man is still a man. And you deserve to have your wife respect you.
- Tom: She respects me plenty Roy.
- Here's the thing you have to understand about Lynette. She grew up without her Dad. Her mom was a drinker so she had to be responsible for everyone.
- Roy: Well, that's rough.
- Tom: Yeah. It left her with this constant fear that everything could suddenly fall apart. And that's why she needs to control everything. Of course she can't, no body can, but she can control me. If I let her. So I do. Because it makes her feel safe. And that is my job as her husband. To make her feel safe.
- Roy: You're a good man Scavo.
- Tom: I try.
1. We always notice your shoes. Not because we’re judging your size by theirs (although there is some merit to that) but because we’re wary of anything adorned with buckles, tassels, or faux leather stripes.
2. When we say, “Just tell me the truth. I won’t get mad,” we’re totally lying.
3. If you won’t hold our hands in public, we won’t blow you in private.
4. Yes, we would sleep with your best friend.
5. And yes, we too are afraid you’re going to lose your hair.
6. Cologne is for frat boys. Showers are for men.
7. If you’re dating a woman over thirty, she will have envisioned your wedding halfway through the first date — even if it’s going horribly.
8. Don’t be a pussy: A text message, e-mail, or instant message does not replace a phone call.
9. Nothing is less sexy than a man who counts his carbs. Skip the gym and work it out in bed.
10. If I have to ask for it, go fuck yourself.
I have to say, I agree with most of these. Not seven. But that’s because I’m only 20.
Men, it’s true - pay attention to your shoes because we do.
Happy birthday, Mr. Twain. You quotatious man.
“What if I had a booth on the street and I said, ‘Attention, everybody who hates me: If you have a problem with me, I’m ready to hear your gripes! ….I will only be speaking to people who do not like me. Come out and let me have it. I will not speak back.’
“How many people do you think would be standing there? I’m talking about people getting the chance to tell me directly, ‘I think you’re a douchebag.’ You know how many people would do it? Ze-ro.”” —
I really like John Mayer. I do not apologize for this.
I felt not-so-great (feverish, congested, like my eyelids were sandbags) all day, so I opted to come home and eat something (I skipped lunch due to rain and it being almost the end of the day when I finally got hungry) instead of going to the pool like I originally planned. Of course, I feel much better now. And I technically have time, even if I’m still drrrrraaaaaaaagggggggginggggg. But my full, satisfied tummy doesn’t want to wear a bathing suit.
but I am not the devil. I am just
a small girl in a big world trying to
find someone to love.” —
why I date southern men.
So far (since lunch!) it’s worked : )
When you had never even heard of Sarah Palin, Robert Pattinson, or Lady GaGa?
Weren’t those the days?
18 months ago the Ravens still had Matt Stover. Yup, those were the days.
- ESPN Guy #1: Dawan Landry takin' it back 48 yards to the hizzy.
- ESPN Guy #2: Dude, just say "house."
Iris, The Holiday (via kari-shma)
This is seriously one of the most heartbreaking & relatable movie monologues I’ve ever seen. Gets me every time.
C. Klosterman (via caryrandolph)
I think I probably posted this before…..
You try being imprisoned to the whims of a parasite for nine months and see how you like it.
I’d also love to know why it’s OK for me to take Robitussin for the swine flu I got, but not a drop of alcohol. Whatever, gang.” —
Jezebel commenter redqueenmeg
Pay close attention to that first line. You know, the one that’s exactly the reason I’m too selfish for mommyhood. All you glowy, beautiful pregnant women who say you’ve never been happier? I’m on to you.