I have strep throat. Boo.
- Me: Where did you get him?
- Mom: Home Depot. Dad usually buys Santas but I thought he was cute.
- Me: He looks slick.
- Mom: Slick?
- Me: Is he slick?
- Mom: Slick like used car salesman slick?
- Me: No, slick like his outer coating.
- My sister: [laughs hysterically during a very depressing point in the documentary Plant Earth]
- Mom: Yes, I think his outer coating is slick, shiny.
Three hours later, my sister informs me that “skelt” has been defined. Apparently it’s my grandmother’s slang for “skeleton.” Who knew.
- My uncle: Did you get an answer to your question?
- My cousin: What question?
- My uncle: What a skelt is?
- My cousin: Oh, no.
- Me: I thought it was "skelp."
- My uncle: No, it was skelt.
- My cousin: But what is it?
- My uncle: I have no idea.
- My aunt, about a photo of my grandmother on a recent cruise: Look at you with that thing on your head!
- Gran: I look like a skelt!
- My cousin, my sister and I: [giggling hysterically] What's a skelt??
- My sister: Hey, take it easy on the tissue paper. I'm trying to save the polar bears.
- Me: They make tissue paper from polar bears?
- Her: [Literally falls over laughing hysterically]
- Me: What??
- Her: [Still laughing] Did you just say that?
- Me: [Also laughing] What did you say?
Is it a little bit inappropriate to break open my new Too Faced “Party Girl” eye make-up for Christmas Eve mass? …Too late. Although I must say it’s less scandalous than the time I wore fishnets and a sparkly top (and looked almost Church-classy anyway). At least I fought temptation and saved my sparkly “Naughty and Nice” panties for Christmas Day (would going to church cancel out the naughty part? hmmm).
Just another normal Christmas Eve…..
Driving back from the gym this morning, the announcers on the radio were discussing a new Christmas gift idea: the medical gift card. Apparently you can fill it up and give it to someone to use on prescriptions, co-pays, etc. The radio people were a little confounded, or at least weirded out, by it, all “Nothing says Merry Christmas like a medical gift card.” One girl asked, “If someone gave you that as a gift, what does that say?” I don’t think it implies you’re sick and gross, just as expensive bath products in your favorite scent do not (necessarily) imply you smell.
I would LOVE a medical gift card for Christmas. Seriously. I’m young and broke and my insurance coverage is less than fabulous (although at this point I’m just grateful that I, unlike so many Americans, actually have at least some sort of coverage). To me, a medical gift card says, “I care about you and I know you’re not making a lot of money and you’ve got bills so here’s something extra to help you out.”
A medical gift card means I don’t have to pay out-of-pocket for co-pays and prescriptions. It might mean I go to the doctor sooner instead of putting it off too long because I’m waiting to see if I get better on my own so I can save money. It means I don’t have to stop taking the birth control I’ve been on for four years just because my new insurance charges $150 for GENERIC everytime I need refills (don’t even get me started on the atrocious and inherent bias against women in our health care system). It means I have a little extra cash to waste at Starbucks or save for that elusive pair of Jimmy Choos.
I don’t think medical gift cards are weird gifts; I think they’re extremely helpful. Like most good gifts, it’s something you want and/or need and won’t have to pay for yourself. If I get one for Christmas, that thank-you note will probably be the most genuine one I’ve written.
I wonder if “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” exist primarily to serve outsiders’ need to have a complete gossip-understanding of your life.
Kevin: “So what’s up, Dan? Are you still dating Katie?”
Dan: “Well, she’s sort my girlfriend, I mean, we’re in an open relationship… we’re sort of lovers, kind of date-friends, I guess… We’re not serious, but we really care for each other.”
Kevin: “So what’s up, Dan? Are you still dating Katie?”
Dan: “I don’t really want to talk to you about Katie.”
Kevin: “Ok, but, so, what are you?”
Dan: “We are none of your business.”
The issue of labels has always been so difficult for me. Like in high school, whenever a clique named itself, it nearly immediately fell apart. When things are going well and everything’s stable, that’s usually when the bf/gf tags get whipped out, but when things are going well, I want them to stay on track, and I’m afraid to do anything drastic. I’m all about Proceeding With Caution and No Sudden Moves.
At a certain point though, labels become necessary, or at least intuitive. If you’re basically in a relationship and in your head, you think of your significant other as “boyfriend” or “girlfriend,” it’s silly to make a big point of not using those terms. I’m starting to realize that using them can be a good thing. It doesn’t have to be for other people, for outsiders (although for some it certainly is). It’s about acknowledging to myself that I’m emotionally invested, and it makes me responsible for my actions in a different way because I can’t just cut and run anymore. It gets rid of the “sort of dating, open relationship, seeing each other a lot, just friends, I don’t know where we stand” crap and provides some solid footing and clarity so you can stop wondering what the deal is and just enjoy being with someone.
Sex may or may not change everything, but I always thought labels did. And if they do, maybe that’s not such a bad thing.
A Man Without a Country Kurt Vonnegut
The Age of Innocence Edith Wharton
Alice: From White House Princess to Washington Power Broker Stacy A. Cordery
American Creation: Triumphs and Tragedies at the Founding of the Republic Joseph J. Ellis
Service Included: Four-Star Secrets of an Eavesdropping Waiter Phoebe Damrosch
Boom! Voices of the Sixties Tom Brokaw
Garlic and Sapphires: The Secret Life of a Critic in Disguise Ruth Reichl
Dixieland Delight: A Football Season on the Road in the Southeastern Conference Clay Davis
Saturday Rules: A Season with Trojans and Domers (and Gators and Buckeyes and Wolverines) Austin Murphy
A Charmed Life Liza Campbell
…To Be Continued……
Things I Like: Peanut butter and jelly, gift cards, skull and cross-bones band-aids, black mascara, good surprises
Things I Don’t Like: Bacon, Christmas and birthday shopping, shipping charges, telephone poles, being hungry, bad surprises
I spent a marathon shopping day (6.5 hours) at the mall, and I spent quality time wandering around Philadelphia where there are actually some great shops, and the whole buying gifts for other people thing really isn’t working out so well.
Stuff for other people = $150 (all other people combined)
Stuff for me = $206 (just about all of which I do not need…this number does not reflect the 2 frappuccinos, 1 cappuccino, and ungodly amount of gingerbread lattes to which I treated myself)
I’d also like to note that the $150 was all spent on the women in my life, sister, mom, best friend, etc. For the men in my life, I am completely giftless. Well, not completely, I did buy someone a pair of work gloves that will absolutely not suffice as a gift on its own. I have no idea what to buy for guys, because I don’t know what they’ll use. And all those for whom I have to buy refuse to give hints and/or suggestions for items they’d like. Notice: If yall get coal for Christmas, it might just be your own damn fault.
I have also discovered, during the course of my recent extreme online shopping extravaganzas, that The Perfect Gift does not exist. And I can state this with absolute certainty, because I finally came up with an idea for The Perfect Gift but after an extensive search, I’m forced to admit that there isn’t one. Anywhere. One more reason why Christmas shopping is a pain in the butt.
So once upon a time it was my dream to have a little martian/oompa loompa thing follow me around with lattes so I’d always have one whenever I needed it (once upon a time as in like every day for the last two years). You know, my own little coffee minion. Well, according to The Today Show today, a robot has been developed that can MAKE COFFEE. It’s so cute too! Anyone wanna take a guess about what’s on the top of my Christmas list???
When you’re online window shopping at literally zillions of stores and the ONE THING that’s sold out is a hot pink terry romper (think strapless bath towel with shorts), then all is definitely NOT right in the world. That is all.
I am. So over. Bad coffee.
And I’m pretty much done with snow so, you know, feel free to melt any time now.
- Michel: You do know that not everyone finds the idea of being pelted with frozen water appealing.
- Lorelei: I know, and how sad for them.
- Michel: The thrilling sensation of getting lost in a blizzard, of freezing to death in the woods and having to eat your friend's buttocks to stay alive: that is lost on many people.
I’m not sure about this blog.
I found tumblr through Peter W Knox and then found a ton more and decided I wanted one, too. But I already have a blog. I also have a tendency to say/type things I should keep to myself or don’t really mean. For some reason, I can be an extremely guarded person in real life but online, not so much (at least not as much as I should be). So this blog could be a bad idea.
It’s not really a blog, though; I don’t intend for it to be at least. I was thinking more along the lines of “tech-savvy scrapbook” but I don’t mess with digital video and I’m anti-posting photos online (kind of defeats the purpose of even having this site, I know, whatever). Anyway, it’s more of an electronic bulletin board. God knows I have a thing for post-it notes and thumb tacks.
So anyway, we’ll see how long this lasts. I have the attention span of a gnat and barely enough time to take the trash out, so it’s probably best to enjoy it while it lasts. Chances are that won’t be long.